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Challenges & Change

Challenge: day 1

Besides this MAJOR challenge, I have a simple one that I would love to try out that I found on Pinterest.

’31 Days of Journal Prompts for moms’

I wanted to pursue this challenge just for the simple fact that, I love my children and I need to learn to embrace the joys, once more. So, here goes.

DAY 1: #parentingadvice

Ha! I absolutely can not give any parenting advice. However, what I can do is tell you that you better have a lot of love for coffee and Jesus! Kids will be kids. Every child is different and needs different attention. NEVER A DIFFERENT LOVE, just different attention. I don’t care how much you say you love your child, they WILL get on your nerves at time.

If you’re reading this and saying amongst yourself that I am, in fact, WRONG- please, give me your secret!

Oh, and also, NEVER EVER pray for patience. *my opinion*  Because you’ll get what you ask for. What could possibly be wrong with that, then? Well, simply put- patience is something that is earned, not given. Meaning, you’ll be tested to your limits. So, if you’re praying for patience, you’re already on the edge- then you’re going to be tested and….oh, would you lookie there, you just jumped off that edge! Instead, try praying for the ability to know when you just need to walk to the other room and lock the door. Yes, the child(ren) will follow you and cry- seriously, cover your ears, breath and pray.

I just had another overwhelmingly heavy weight lifted off my chest. I basically just preached something that I, obviously, needed to hear.

&& that folks, is my “Parenting Advice” Coffee Jesus, and pray not for patience, but for knowledge. Until next time, my friends, stay blessed.

 

 

-Kayla Diane

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Challenge: day 2

My sweetheart has just started working out of town for 2 weeks at a time. That leaves me by myself with all 3 kids until he comes home. Thankfully, God has blessed us with an amazing new church family. So, I’m not really alone after all!

This morning, I drank my coffee (yes, I am pregnant and I still drink coffee) and began to read my devotional for the day. My memory verse for today is, “Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant. – Matthew 20:26″.  That really hit my heart. It made me stop and think if I was setting the right example for my children. Was I showing them how to help others or just how to help themselves?

After nap time, I am going  to take them outside and let us clean the yard. Now,  I know that’s not really helping anyone else, other than myself. But, if I can show them how to help and do something with a humble heart, then maybe they’ll have that same outlook when helping others. If you’re not serving God with a humble heart, you’re only serving yourself.

It’s hard to raise my children in the way of the Lord. Simply because I know, at times, I am not being a mother with a humble heart. I let anger, frustration and negativity consume me; I forget to look at the little things, sit back, and smile. I forget to serve my sweet children with a humble heart.

This leads to my next challenge story:

 

#kidsarefunny

Thinking over all of the funniest moments I have witnessed from my children, it’s hard to pick which one to share. But, because motherhood can be funny and ugly at the same time, I wanted to share a moment that happened recently with my oldest daughter, Alicia (5).

She was having one of those, “I am a diva so I don’t have to listen to anything mama says” days. She was so ill about everything, and I MEAN EVERYHING! Her attitude became so aggravating that I just made her go to her room. At least there she could pop off under her breath and I wouldn’t hear it. That lasted a total of, maybe, 7 minutes.

She proceeds to start biting everything. By this time I am on the verge of just flipping my switch; Still, slowly, I kept breathing. Suddenly, she screams, “I’m gonna bite Amanda’s shoe!!!”   -Oh, little child of mine. Needless to say, she bit it.

The funny part: It rained the night before so there was mud stuck on the bottom of Amanda’s shoe. I’m sure you’ve figured out what happened next- it got in Alicia’s mouth. She, at the time, thinks that it’s dog poop! “MAMA!!! PLEASE, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!! *gag* I’M GOING TO THROW UP *gag*. MAAAAAMMMAAAA!!”. Crying, screaming, running around with her tongue hanging out- she’s in complete FREAK OUT mode! Just imagine. A kid with mud in her mouth, thinking it’s dog poop. *** I’ll let that image sink in***

So, just in case you’re wondering what I did. I laughed. Laughed so hard ’til it hurt!!  After splitting my sides, I calmed her down and explained to her that it was only mud and that she was going to be just fine. We got her mouth washed out, everything went back to normal. Even her attitude.

OUTCOME:

I humbly helped her- with love and understanding; because, I seen a glimpse of beauty in even the roughest of times.Though, she turned against me for a moment; She knew I’d be there, no matter what. The same as Jesus has done for me, too. Time and time again.

Forever & always.

-Kayla Diane

 

 

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Challenge: Day 15

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  1 Corinthians 13: 4-7”

For the past few weeks, my sweetheart and I have been walking on rough waters. Lord knows it has definitely been tough. Lord also knows, I love him- with everything in me. While it hurts to forgive, I know it’s the right thing to do. When Ray and I first met, we were just 2 hurt and lost individuals with so much love to give. After helping pick each other up, we felt connected. That connection grew stronger everyday, after that.    Regardless of a sinful decision, no matter what, I choose to love him.

Nothing could explain my love better than an experience I had this past Sunday at church. And this challenge could have not came at a better time-

Day 15: #hubbylove

On the Sunday before Valentines day, our pastor had preached on Ephesians 5. It was part 1 of the 2 part series. The message was based on how wives should treat and love their wives. Ray was able to attend that service with me before he left back out of town. The next weekend was supposed to be part 2. Due to us having a guest speaker, our pastor decided to put it off for this past Sunday.

Ray was still out of town.

Finally, the day for Part 2 on Ephesians 5- How husbands should treat and love their wives. As our preacher preached God’s word, I felt a presence. I kept looking around me. Almost like I was expecting someone. I stayed focus on what was being taught and I prayed. I prayed that though Ray wasn’t there physically, that God would place today’s message on his heart.    There went that feeling again. I kept looking over my shoulder to the back of the church and scoping the place out. At this point I am a little nervous. Finally, I shook it off because I refused to have any kind of fear consume me while I was in my safe haven- my church.

The message was beautiful. Our pastor did an amazing job on teaching us God’s word and what God has really intended for us to do. Needless to say, I was sad that my husband wasn’t there. He should have been there. He should have heard that message.

The service was closed with a prayer and it was time to go.   WHY AM I STILL GETTING WEIRD FEELINGS?!   Sadly, my anxiety kicks in and I just wanted to get the kids and go.  I stop to get Jacob before going to get the girls.   He was not a happy baby, at all! Fighting sleep, he arched his back and stiffened up, refusing to let me put him in his car seat. I sat down in the rocking chair and held him to my chest to calm him down so we could go. Then I glance up.

    Wha- Oh my gosh.    Ray was standing there. Right there! In the doorway to the nursery. The crew he was working with had left to come home earlier than he thought. He told me it would be late that night before he’d be home because he wanted to surprise me.  16 days without seeing him and there he was unannounced….just like a dream- I cried. I knew from THAT moment in particular, that without a doubt, I love that man. I love my husband.

The reason this moment is so special to me is because: 1) I felt his presence- just didn’t know it was him, yet. 2) even though it’s been rough- I still cried for him, out of love. 3) He hurried home because he wanted to surprise me. 4) I didn’t walk to him, I didn’t move in to give him a hug or kiss….he came to me. HE put in the effort this time.

Love is something you SHOW, not something you SAY.

Ray definitely reminded me of all the reasons why I fell in love with him. I love him for the beautiful mess he is.   He’s leaving in the morning to head back out of town to work for another 2 weeks and my heart is aching thinking about it. I know that when he gets back, our love will be even stronger.

He truly is my better half. My forever.

-Kayla Diane

 

 

Challenge: day 14

Having a baby is a beautiful, happy moment- Along with the happy moments, there’s a lot of parents that have to experience the dark and painful side to things. To them,  it’s holding a child that they’ll never watch grow. It’s kissing a pair of lips that’ll never move to kiss them back. It’s longing to breast feed her child but can’t because the baby has a feeding tube down their throat. It’s trying to comfort a uncontrollably crying baby. It’s whispering ‘I love you’ while your baby whimpers, one last time.

   It’s remaining strong even though you have no more strength to do so.

You see, it is not always happy beginnings.

While I’ve dealt with losses too heavy for my heart to carry, I’ve also been handed great blessings. With them, that is where my story begins.

Day 14: #birthstories

Alicia:   On January 17, 2012 at approximately 3:30 a.m., I woke up to use the bathroom. Realizing that the urge to go was just a heavy amount of pressure from my baby; Who, at the time, was 3 days late. So, I got up- only to discover that I was bleeding. I slowly sat back down. My eyes as big as softballs because I knew that this was it; It was time. Finally, I get up and wake my husband (now ex-husband). He was scared to death because all he heard me say was, “bleeding”.

We were out the door in a jiffy and on our way! 45 minutes and a heart attack later (he was a terrible driver), we made it to the hospital. They hooked me up, swabbed me- all that fun pregnancy/labor stuff. While we waited to hear if I was in labor or not, my mom and sister show up. Tickled, I told them that they should’ve waited because we didn’t know if it was a false alarm or not. Michaela, my sister, already knew that I wouldn’t be going anywhere; and, she was right!

They got the rest of my IV’s hooked up and rolled me to another room. The room that I would endure 18 hours of difficult and terrifying labor. The room I wasn’t sure I’d ever come out of- alive.

Everything was going smoothly until about 8 hours into labor. Everything just started getting weird. I was having the hardest time breathing, I felt light headed.  Why is my monitor going crazy? Why are there Dr.’s swarming around me? Where’s my family? What’s wrong with my daughter?!

Thankfully, my amazing and hard working nurse stood there beside me and once everything became stabled again- she explained what had happened. Alicia suddenly went into fetal distress because of how I was laying. I felt relieved and terrible at the same time. Time slowly ticked by. I was beginning to feel worse and worse, until finally- hallelujah, it was time to push.

DON’T WORRY, I WONT GO INTO THE GORRY DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENED DURING THAT TIME. 45 minutes later, there she was. Head full of hair, chunky as could be, the most beautiful baby that I had ever laid my eyes on. My sweet baby, my daughter. 9 LBS 7.9 OZ’s & 21 inches long.

“You’re going to feel a lot of pressure. We are trying to get your placenta out.”, explained one of the nurses.- ……did I just have another baby?!

“What’s wrong with her? Is she ok?”  My sister was trying to be calm but I could tell she was panicking.

“Here, go to mommy.” My mom placed Alicia in my arms. I couldn’t hold her. Something was wrong. The room starts spinning.

“SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER!” I could really hear it then, the panic in my sisters voice. “Her blood count is too low. She’s hemorrhaging.”

More IV’s, great. At that point all I wanted was something to eat and drink & to hold my baby. Finally, my count was coming back up, just not enough on its own. I ended up having to have a blood transfusion. Once it was all done and I was back to normal, I got to hold my baby girl. My perfect, precious, beautiful, loving baby girl. Everything was going to be just fine.

Amanda: October 2, 2012 @ 9:00 a.m. I was headed to the hospital to have my second baby girl. Only difference, I was being induced. Once there, we were told that we would have to wait on a room. You’re not going to believe this, but once we walked around the corner and seen what room we were getting- I think I may have had a slight panic attack. It was the same room that I had Alicia in a year earlier.

It was almost 11 before we finally got in the room. Once all the routine paperwork and whatnot was complete- they began hooking my IV’s up. At 12:08 p.m. we were fully hooked up and patiently waited for baby Amanda to make her debut.

    2 panic attacks, bag full of puke and an cry baby episode later- I began having a lot of heavy pressure on my butt. Ah, I remember that feeling. “I need to push”   My nurse looked at me, looked at my screen and replied, “you’re just having contractions, see.”

“Ok, that may be so, but I really feel like I need to push.”   She checks me and whispers, “Whatever you do, DO NOT PUSH!”   She darted out of the room and quickly returned with my Dr. He checks me, smiles, and asked me a question that I was more than ready to answer, “Are you ready to have this baby?!”

Refusing to go through what I went through the year before, I put my game face on and I got ready to PUSH! It’s 3:05 p.m.. Alright, here we go! PUSH 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 EASE UP, TAKE A BREATH & 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 EASE UP, TAKE A BREATH & 1-2-3-4-5-6…..      Amanda made her appearance at 3:08 p.m.. Weighing 7 LBS 7.9 OZ’s 19 inches long. She came out kicking and screaming. Seriously, she was screaming to the top of her little lungs and I loved every bit of it (3 years later with a squeakier voice, not so much). She’s has definitely been a little ray of sunshine. Alicia and Amanda, my girls. Could life get any better?

Jacob: Let’s see if I can cover this whole experience, seems how it happened so fast. April 30, 2016. It was somewhere between 12:30 and 1:00 P.M.. I had just told Alicia and Amanda to lay down for a quick nap so I could rest, too.  Doing as they were told, they laid down. I decided to go ahead and mop their bathroom floors. As soon as I go behind their bathroom door to mop, I felt like I was peeing on myself- except, I wasn’t! Ok, this is the first time my water had broken on its own. Super shocked and super scared- I called everyone and their mama before I called Ray. I was having a hard time comprehending that my water had just broke….while I was mopping; ironic, huh? Finally, I called Ray; No answer. Called him again; N0thing. “OHHH CRAP! Is this really happening? RIGHT NOW?” 5 minutes later he texts, “Eating lunch, what’s up?”
Me, “Oh nothing, just sitting here. Um, my water just broke.” Needless to say, he was home as quick as lightning. Upon loading the truck up, he was asking me a million questions- “Are you sure you wasn’t peeing on yourself? Is it REALLY time? How long will it be before he gets here?”    Me, “If you don’t SHUT UP…..”

Driving to the hospital, it seemed like everyone wanted to be extra slow that day. Nobody would get out of the way. An hour later, actually- it felt like HOURS later, we arrived and sure enough, IT WAS TIME. It was 3: something P.M. when we got there, I had Jacob at 6:45 P.M.

Labor was smooth as m0llasis and as quick as a fox. Nothing complicated about it at all. Jacob weighed 7 LBS 15OZs 21IN- born 2 weeks early. Good grief. Imagine how much he might have weighed had I made it to 40 weeks.

Baby #4: Yes, I finally was able to see a Dr. &  was told the gender.

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 Everyone, say “Hello” to Miss Brooklyn Michelle!

Our hearts are overflowing with joy and we can’t wait to meet and hold her in July.

-Kayla Diane

Challenge: day 13

Finally, I am back online. Assuming I ran up my internet data too fast- everything was going slowly. Nevertheless, I’m back.

What a busy week we have planned. What I most excited for is, Wednesday! We will be going to find out if I am having another boy or girl.    Ray’s sister wants to do a gender reveal- so, nobody will know until he gets home from out of town. With this being mine and his last child, it’s a very happy and bittersweet moment.

This is definitely the week to…..

Day 13: #geterdone

Seriously, being a stay at home mom, I have no idea what that phrase means! Nothing ever gets 100% done! Maybe we should just say “Get er”; it’s incomplete and makes no sense! The perfect definition of a normal day for a stay at home parent.

I must say, there’s no shame in my unfinished tasks; sort of. I mean, just don’t come to my house.

Because this is a challenge, I must find what I actually get done….

  • The kids are entertained
  • They’re also alive
  • I have cooked
  • I have cleaned (to the best of my ability)
  • Kids are clean
  • I am clean
  • I remembered to put on deodorant
  • I’ve brushed my teeth, too- um, but have the kids?
  • Laundry is caught up- just remind me to put them away
  • I haven’t had a meltdown- yet

Well, if you ask me, that’s a productive list of ‘get-er-done’ things for one day! Though, I do wonder what this list would have looked like on a different day. *shivers*  I doubt it would have looked as good as todays!

It sure does feel good to feel normal, again.

-Kayla Diane

 

Challenge: day 12

Today was just an average day filled with laughing, crying, screaming, jumping…and spontaneously puking. It was nothing short of wonderful. Really, no sarcasm intended!

We had to be up before the sun this morning to run some errands and it took a major toll on my children. “It’s still dark outside, Momma!” That’s all I heard for about 20 minutes. After our run into town, we came home and from there I thought surely they’d go lay back down. Wrong- Oh, so wrong. When naptime came around….Ha! Who am I kidding? Nap time never happened! It was supposed to, though.

I laid all 3 of the kids down. I even listened to see if I could hear any commotion going on. Silence. Beautiful and complete silence. You can never be to sure.- Peaked in the girls door; sound asleep. Peaked in on the baby; sound asleep. I sat back down and laid back in the recliner. I wanted nothing more than to embrace slumber at that moment; and, I did.

Not even 20 minutes of being asleep I woke to a loud, “BOOM“.    -pause-   Real quick question: have you ever been so tired and you’ve just fallen into a nice snooze, something has woke you up, startling you- making you tremble out of fear? Yeah? Well, that’s how this particular ‘wake up’ was for me.

I jump up and ran into the kitchen, where the boom came from, only to find…….

Day 12: #mommyfail

Alicia and Amanda dipping in the ice-cream. HOW?! They were just asleep! Sneaky little bandits, they are. I call their little scheme, “Scope of the Scoop.”

They, legit, acted like they were sleeping; waiting for me to be out of site. Due to me being asleep on the couch, extra precaution had to be taken. THEY SNUCK RIGHT PAST ME! Here’s where the, commonly gross, puking comes in play: Realizing they were caught, they froze. Just standing there, my oldest daughter pukes. At this point- we are all standing there looking like a bunch of Tarsier’s.   Wiping her mouth, Alicia says, “Mama. You scared me.”

I usually get worried when my kids vomit, even if it’s a little bit. However, in that particular moment; all I could do was laugh. I got her and the floor cleaned up. Let them finish their ice-cream (I wasn’t about to let them waste it!) and that was that. No nap.

For the 100th time, we watched ‘Trolls’. In that moment, it dawned on me that I hadn’t read my devotional. I had got so caught up in my day, it slipped my mind. Before opening, I already knew that somehow, someway, whatever verse was for today- it was going to be on point!

“Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not ignore my cry for help! Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles.- Psalm 55: 1-2”

Would you like to know something? He definitely heard my cry for help. Bedtime came early- best part, I didn’t have to fight with them to go to bed! After multiple times of checking, it’s safe to say that they are undoubtedly asleep.

Now, it’s my turn to ‘Scope the Scoop’.

-Kayla Diane

 

Challenge: day 11

Everything happens for a reason. The good, bad, pretty, and ugly; all for a reason.

Church was definitely on point this morning. I’m telling y’all, God has been showing up and showing out around me, here lately. He shows up, every time, at the perfect time.Starting with Sunday Class: We discussed Samson and Delilah. If you don’t know the story, you should go read it- Judges, Chapters 13-16. When our small discussion was finished, we went over our ‘OBEY THE TEXT’. This is exactly what our bulletin said:

  • Partnering with people who hold non-Christian beliefs and values can lead to spiritual compromise.
  • How we treat temptation demonstrates our true love, either for God or for ourselves.
  • God may remove His hand of protection from those who betray his trust.

Following after class, our pastor preached on Ephesians 5:21-33 and the message he shared with it, hit home- hard!

I had tears in my eyes, all while wearing a smile on my face because I truly felt in my heart, that everything was going to be just fine. Feeling the Holy Spirit flow through me, really opened my eyes and my heart. Everything is going to be okay, no matter which road my situation turns down.

Day 11: #heartofawarrior

 

When I think of the word ‘warrior’, I think of someone who is trained and prepared to go to battle.- I will be combining the church message, from today, and this challenge together; It just seems to go hand in hand, perfectly.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.- Ephesians 6: 13-17”

Sounds very much like a warrior, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.

With that being said, I have the heart of a warrior! No matter what bomb is being thrown in my direction; I am trained and equipped with the armor of God, so I know which way to turn- avoiding getting blown up with the messes of everyday life.

-Kayla Diane

 

1, 2, skip a few

Tonight, there will be no challenge blog.

Instead, I want/need to open up and be unembellished for a moment- to tell you, outside of mothering and trying to follow Gods word, who I REALLY am.

I woke up this morning planning and hoping for a glorious day out with the children. I read my devotional and set out to conquer the day, like I usually do. Then it happened, life; It hit me like a freight train! The train even made a special delivery- anxiety attacks.

I had found out some heart wrenching news earlier that affected me in every way imaginable. It really threw me under the waves.- Enough to make my anxiety consume my whole body. Just a long, drawn out fight between me, myself, and I.

Even as I type this, I’m still fighting the battle.

I was married once before. It was a nightmare! It was filled with drinking, lying, fighting, cheating- you name it. Everyday that I was with him, I kept asking what it was that I had done so wrong. Deciding to finally walk away for good, was the hardest thing I had to do. Family and friends kept reassuring me that when the time was right, I’d meet someone that saw my worth, someone that would never hurt me. Then, a year and a half later, that day came. He found me.

It was simply amazing. I was living in a fairytale dream!- Well, I just got woke up.

Once you’ve been hurt, it’s hard to open up to anyone else. Then when you decide to give love another shot, and a replay of the ‘first love’ happens; It will take a major toll on your heart, mind, and soul. Leaving a path of destruction similar to a F-5 tornado. Infidelity hurts, no matter how far it was taken; It still hurts to think that you’re not good enough!

I know my kids sense there’s something wrong with me. My middle child, Amanda, brought me my devotional book while I was in the shower releasing Niagara Falls. Truth be told, talking to God was the last thing on my mind. It should have been the first.

I get out of the shower; My eyes are red and swollen. My nose is like my water faucet. My heart is in my throat.- I could play the role of a zombie, perfectly, at this point.     Sitting  on my bed, I opened my devotional to a random page. This is what I came across, “He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection… If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling.- Psalm 91: 4, 9-10”.

I believe that was a sign for me to LET GO AND LET GOD!

As hard as this is for me to say, I am weak. I don’t know how or when I will get past this. Just knowing that Jesus will stay beside me and hold me while I cry over a silly guy, makes me feel a little better.

Just, please, remember my kids and myself in your prayers tonight.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Even though I don’t know who or where you are, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Not only did you take the time to read about my dramatic day, you took time out for me. Strange as it may seem, it makes me feel like someone, other than my kids, wants me around.

Goodnight, everyone. Pleasant dreams.

-Kayla Diane

 

 

 

 

 

Challenge: day 9 & 10

I know you’re probably thinking poorly of me for falling behind on my blogging challenges. Hear me out, I was out of town visiting with my Daddy. While I was there I got to catch up with some other family and friends. It was really nice. After all, I don’t get to see them that much now that I live so far away.

Now, let’s get back on track!

Wow, have I really missed 4 days? That just means I have more to share with you!     While I was gone- I also fell behind on my devotionals. Before I talk about my devotional for today, I just want to say something-0 God knows what and when to put something on your heart, at the perfect time. Moving forward- this is my memory verse for today, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. – 2 Timothy 3:16”

The story that was included in the devotional- There was a child who didn’t understand why her family had to have devotionals every day. After she complained, saying that there was better things to do than devotionals- her dad asked her would she be eating for the day. Answering that she would be eating, her dad proceeded to say, “Well, I just figured you wouldn’t eat today seems how there is always something better to be doing.”  Instantly, she became aggravated and exclaimed, “Dad, I am not that dumb! You have to eat to make it through the day…” It was then that she understood exactly what her dad was trying to say, “Oh, You’re trying to tell me that it would be just as dumb to quit having my spiritual food, right?”

I can not tell you how hard this devotional hit my heart! As I said earlier, God knows what and when to put something on  your heart.

Day 9: parentinggoals

Any goal that I set, will always have something to do with my babies.- No matter what.

My Parent Goal: To discipline my children in love and understanding.

I have made this my main goal because my children are young. Due to them being so young; I have to discipline them, A LOT!  I focus on teaching them with love and understanding so I don’t put them in a shell. If I just lash out without them knowing what they’ve done wrong; it will push them away from me.

If they know what they’ve done, they’ll work harder at not doing that when they get older and it’ll build them into the wonderful young adults I know that they’ll be.

Day 10: don’teventhinkaboutit

Come on, all parents have ‘this moment’ with their kids. For example: your kids are playing around and you hear one fall. You know a child is about to come in your room crying that the other hurt them. Almost simultaneously, you hold your hand up as they walk through the door, “Don’t even think about it! Y’all were in there playing. I’m sure she/he didn’t mean any harm.”

I have that moment DAILY! It never fails. Sometimes, I wonder when they will start blaming their bad dreams on the other. No joke, that is how bad it can get! Once, I tell them not to say anything, they just turn around and carry on. Forgetting that the other had just “hurt” them. *Sigh*

Parenting is DEFINITLEY not for the weak!

-Kayla Diane

 

 

 

Challenge: day 7 & 8

Obviously, I am behind.

After church, yesterday, I had to return home and gather mine and the kids’ things. We were coming to stay with my Daddy so I could go to the baby doctor, today. My sister ended up watching my kids so I could be able to relax while at my appointment. I very much enjoyed the quiet time. Afterwards, my sister, the kids, and I went out to eat and spend some time together. I loved that even more, seems how I NEVER get to spend much time with my sister because we are both always busy. Sounds like a wonderful day, doesn’t it?

Let’s rewind all the way back, when the day actually began.

It was nothing short of irritating. As sad as it is for me to admit, I cursed under my breath and let anger consume my heart. It seemed like everything that could go wrong, was going wrong. My youngest was mad as a hornet, my oldest 2 were hyper, and I wasn’t able to get any sleep the night before. I had 1 hour and 30 minutes to get them and myself ready. Here’s how it went:  “Girls, I have your clothes laid out. Put them on, please. When you’re done, put your socks and shoes on.” Little did I know that getting them ready this morning, would be similar to baptizing a cat!! After asking them for the 1 millionth time to do something, my patience was GONE: “GET YOUR CLOTHES ON NOW! THEN GET YOUR SOCKS AND SHOES ON! DO NOT MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!”…….then, I heard the most worn out excuse, “But, Mama. I don’t know where my clothes are.” – Oh good gracious.

“Come on, kids. We have got to go! Out the door, now. GO!” – Finally, we make it to my sisters house and I had to hurry and leave. Miraculously, I made it to my doctors appointment in the knick of time.

While I was sitting there, I opened my study booklet for Sunday classes. Reading over God’s word, I felt a rush of relief….and then guilt. I had become so angry that I allowed the devil to control my morning. Now, I’m not surprised everything went wrong. Had I started my morning off with Him, I’m sure things would’ve played out differently. The booklet was discussing how when people loose sight of the Lord, they turn away and do things that infuriates God, and they pay the price.

As I turned the page to continue reading, there I saw the key word, ‘Repentance’.-  Repentance is a genuine turning from sin toward God.

Clearly, I was on that chapter for a reason. For that, I am thankful.

 

You can’t shut the devil out if you’re holding the door open for him.

day 7: #momwins

I really don’t have a trophy in my “Mom Wins” cabinet. Maybe a few 1st alternates, but not any official mommy wins. So, instead, I will talk about my mommy losses.- that’ll maybe one day turn into wins.

Oh goodness, where should I begin? Most recent? Sure. I’ll cover all 3 of my children. Starting with Alicia.- I’ve had my fair share of losses with this child. More than I can count, really. Her attitude, is the worst loss of them all; thus far. She has become so hateful, especially when she doesn’t get her way. I choose to remain patient, though….or, at least I try. Ok, I instantly get aggravated.-being a Christian doesn’t mean you’re going to be perfect!  I lose my cool with her, more times than I’d like and in return- I feel guilty. I blow up at her sometimes, expecting her to know better. When, instead, I should be guiding her with the upmost patience. A LOT OF PATIENCE! Until I learn to quit losing my composure with her, she’s going to continue being a hot head. MOMMY LOSS #1

Amanda.- My biggest thing with this child is I feel that I am  over protecting her. I can’t help that! She is ALWAYS getting hurt; And, well, that hurts me! As her mother, I should be able to handle things like her falling off a chair, or running into the table, or jumping off the bed; But, because she’s so small- I am so afraid that she’ll severely hurt herself. Now I feel like she thinks she’s weak due to me always running to check on her. I don’t want her to feel that way. It’s just so hard, she’s my petite baby doll. MAJOR MOMMY LOSS #2.

Jacob- Eh, I haven’t really had a mommy loss with him- yet. The worse I’ve done is panic when he became so constipated that it was hurting him. I only panicked because I didn’t know- at the time. Once I figured it out, everything got taken care of and returned to normal. NOT SUCH A MOMMY LOSS #3.

I pray one day that those big losses turn into major wins.

 

day 8: #parentingquotes

  • “It is easier to build up a child than to repair an adult.”
  • “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voices.”
  • “The days are long but the years are short.”
  • “Successful parents aren’t the ones who have never struggled; They’re the ones that never give up despite the struggle.”
  • “Your children will become what you are; So, be who you want them to be.”

These are just some quotes that really touch home with me. There’s not really any story behind them. Just a lot of heartfelt meaning.

 

Now on to another day and night full of mommy losses, quotes, the wonderful bible, coffee, and Jesus to get me through it all!

 

-Kayla Diane

 

Challenge: day 6

Today has been in every way imaginable, nerve racking. Seriously. My fragile child that I spoke of yesterday, yeah, I’m going to place an order for bubble wrap. Tons and tons of bubble wrap. Needless to say, my anxiety has been through the roof!! I accomplished none of my house chores because every minute (or so it seemed) something was happening. Thank heavens, it is now BEDTIME! Carrying on……

In my devotional for today, it was talking about how we should be aware of the foes. “Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world. – 1 John 4:1″

Most people know of someone that fits that category. All we can do is pray. Most of all we should pray for strength, so we don’t become a part of that description. If we continue to spread love and truth, we are the light of the world. Just something to stop and think about.

And, now, for today’s challenge!

Day 6: #momfriends

As I have mentioned a few times, I am so lucky to be surrounded by a new group of mommy friends. However, tonight, there’s a particular someone that is weighing heavily on my heart. She was and will always be the literal definition of a true friend.

Her name is Susie. Gosh, she was a blessing. If she was still alive, I know she would have helped me with the kids, today, in a heartbeat. She always did. My girls loved her, as did I. Susie was the type of person who would give drop everything and help someone. Even if that someone just done her wrong an hour prior of needing her help- I say that because I have actually witnessed her doing so.

Yes, she made some of the dumbest decisions I’ve ever seen someone make-  More times than one! That’s just who she was. It touches my heart to know that before she passed she was trying to live her life for the Lord.

The last time I had talked to Susie was 2 days before the accident. She was asking about my son, who was only a month old at the time. Saying she couldn’t wait to get her hands on him and give him bunches of loving. Also, how she missed the girls and couldn’t wait to see all of us. We even made plans to grill out.

June 11, 2016: The kids and I had all woke up around 6:30 or so that morning. I remember feeding Jacob and laying him back down. When, all of the sudden, I felt like I couldn’t breath. I just figured I was having a random anxiety attack; so, I laid back down. About 15 minutes after my episode, I get a phone call from my dad. Something was wrong.

All he told me, then, was that there had been an accident and the interstate was shut down. Said that he just turned around and took his helper, Joey, home. Joey was Susie’s fiancé. So, I sat there, assuming that because traffic was just too bad, they had to wait to go in later- I was wrong. It was then that he told me the most heart crushing news. “Kayla, baby, Susie was in that accident. She didn’t make it. That’s why I had to bring Joey home.”…. Silence.

What more could he say? After we hung up, I hit the floor screaming and crying. “Please, God! Please, just let this all be a bad dream…”- Later on, reality sank in. This was real. She was really gone.

On the day of her funeral, it was pouring rain. It was raining just as fast and hard as the tears that were falling down my face. Being there and not being able to see her one last time, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Time passed and I said good-bye to one of my best friends.

That was it, just like that. It was over.

Headed back home, I felt like a zombie. I was angry, confused, sad- just asking all the wrong questions! Then a song came on the radio called, “Thy Will be Done”; again, I lost it. It felt like someone was trying to tell me something. Finally, the rain ceased and the sun began to shine. Wouldn’t you believe that over our beautiful town, was a rainbow? Susie got her rainbow! I just had a sense of relief. I knew she was ok.

Though, the heartache still remains and I think of my dear friend often; I am so glad that I got to share such a sweet friendship with her. She truly is an angel.

 

 

 

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