Yesterday, I did something I fear most.-  Taking all 3 kids to Wal-Mart, by myself.  Long story short, I had an anxiety attack.

I have never felt so worthless, ever. It got so bad that an elderly lady came and put her hands on me and calmly said, “Honey, everything is going to be alright.” Her kind, yet simple, gesture soothed me. Everything, in fact, is going to be fine.

What triggered my attack? My 3 year old daughter. She completely showed out over, drum roll please, GUM! Yes, that’s all. Gum. Her tantrum caused so much commotion and I couldn’t calm her down. I should’ve popped her, yes. But, hear me out; I wasn’t in the right state of mind to pop my child. My emotions were between angry, embarrassed, upset, overwhelmed. Had I decided to pop her, it would’ve been out of my emotions, not out of discipline. I’m not a perfect parent. I do my best to realize the right and wrong ways of punishing my children.

I’m here to tell you something, that most won’t:

Parenting is hard. Mom life, is hard.

Day 3: #momlife

It’s nothing short of ugly. That’s just the cold hard truth. You can love your kids with all of your heart and soul but it’s still going to be ugly. It’s when you become a mom that you find your weaknesses. It’s when you find your flaws. It’s when you discover just how much patience you don’t have.

THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL:

No matter how distressing  it may get, that child of yours will always love you- ALWAYS! Even your most unpleasant traits, that precious soul will adore. That’s what true love is. The love of a child.

At the end of the day, all you can do is pray for forgiveness and the strength to do better with each minute that passes.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.- Psalm 51:10”

I see you, mama. I see your tears, you’re breaking down. Don’t be worried about being good enough- Because, you’re great. Having a breakdown means you’re trying. You’re doing the best you can and fearing that it’s not enough. Stay strong. In the end, it’ll all be worth it. Everything is, in fact, going to be just fine!

 

-Kayla Diane

 

 

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